Volunteer Human Torches Needed

Volunteer Human Torches Needed

March 24, 2003              

War protesters should  be Hussein’s victims





Dennis Domrzalski (Dom-zal-ski) is one of the funniest and most entertaining columnists and authors writing today. He rants against stupidity, hypocrisy, mediocrity and conformity with a flair, blue-collar bluntness and hilarity that no one can match. And his targets, whether they’re corrupted bureaucrats, blowhard, talentless newspaper editors, or dim-witted celebrities hate him because he makes them look like the losers they really are.

The Chicago native has been a newspaper reporter and columnist for 23 years. His new comic novel, I Got Stinky Feet, is an insanely funny attack on everything that is phony, pretentious and politically correct in America.



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     Sometimes you just have to give people what they want. And since it's Saddam Hussein that America's anti-war protesters seem to want, we should oblige them.

     So this is a call for volunteers. Any of you anti-war women who want to be doused with gasoline and lit on fire by Hussein's goons, step forward. There are thousands of Iraqi women who are familiar with the stench of burning human flesh. They will gladly trade places with you.

     To all you college coeds, scraggly-haired artists and Hollywood glitz types who are aching to be gang raped, race forward. Thousands of Iraqi women have already endured this type of affection from Hussein. They'd love to be here in the land of the free. Since you love the guy, go get him.

     All of you anguished poets who are eager to have your necks stretched on Hussein's gallows, come on. Although there are thousands of Iraqi men who can't trade places with you because they're already dead, many of their friends and relatives will be thrilled to substitute their lives for yours.

     You student organizers who believe in the nobility of being gassed to death by Hussein's death squads, stop talking and march forward. Oops. Sorry, 100,000 Kurds--men, women and children--have beaten you to it. Hussein got them in 1988. But come on, anyway. Hussein and his pal, Chemical Ali, will be thrilled to gas you too. Can you imagine the joy of choking, vomiting violently and having your eyes blister up until you die?

     There must surely be some S&M practitioners in the anti-war crowd. Some of you gals must want to have bare wires attached to your nipples and have the electricity turned on. Thousands of Iraqi women are all funned-out on this practice. Take their places.

     There must be hundreds of thousands of you people who can't wait to be "disappeared" by thugs from Hussein's murderous regime. It's not too late for you to be air lifted into Baghdad. Hussein has already "disappeared" more than 230,000 Iraqis. He probably ran out of willing subjects for this fun game years ago. He could use you.

     Many in the anti-war crowd must be dying to be terrorized by gangs of thugs armed with machine guns who race around in trucks shooting innocent people. Hussein's got 50,000 of these thugs trained to kill. They need more victims because most of Iraq's 26 million people are already terrorized. Go there and be their victims.

     There are mothers and fathers amongst you. Hussein loves to behead children. No doubt you'll want to offer the heads of yours up to him.

     There will be no volunteers, of course. Although the anti-war people are  hypocrites and apologists for this murderer--and stupid--they're not stupid enough to give their lives for what they believe in.

     And what they believe is that a man who tortures, gasses, rapes and kills his own people by the hundreds of thousands should remain in power so he can torture, rape and kill hundreds of thousands more Iraqis. They believe that it's immoral for the United States to attack this sadistic fiend. They believe that it is moral for Hussein to behead children, kill their parents and gas babies to death.

     Oh, the anti-war people have the right to march against the war and to exercise their free speech rights, but the rest of us have the right to be sickened by them.

      Sickened because at the very instant they're enjoying freedom, they're selling it out. Sickened because they are avowed enemies of human freedom, dignity, peace, justice, love and of all the human rights they say they support. Sickened because they make our freedom, security, peace, system of justice and respect for human rights less secure.

     Throughout human history most of us have simply wanted to be free and to be left alone. In all that time there have been tyrants and butchers who have wanted to enslave us and use us as torture toys. There have been people who have fought and fought and fought and fought the tyrants, giving their lives for the noble cause of liberty. And there have been weasels and sellouts who have made excuses for the butchers and killers.

      America's anti-war demonstrators, however ignorant, stupid and misguided they may be, are making excuses for this current mass murderer. And in doing so they're furthering the cause of human butchery, rape and slavery.

     We must tolerate these people, but we don't have to like them. And we don't have to like what they stand for.

     So start shouting down these enemies of freedom. Call them what they really are, which are friends of organized rape and murder. And when they denounce President Bush, tell them they're supporting the murdering Hussein.

     And ask them how they like their poison gas: Mustard or Nerve?


© Copyright 2003 Dennis Domrzalski All Rights Reserved